People are social beings, the need for communication with us is extremely high. Or destroy relationships, because they do not know how to resolve conflicts through conversation.
We will tell you about the main secrets of mutual understanding, following which will help you to maintain harmonious relationships in the family and favorable relationships with colleagues.
10. Learn to compromise
In any relationship, it is important to compromise. Remember that excessive stubbornness will not lead to anything good.
If during a dispute you understand that a person’s point of view is important, but you strongly disagree with her, then it’s better to close the topic of the dispute. Not doing a favor, not recognizing defeat, but clarifying that you do not agree with the opinion of the person, but the person himself is dear to you, and the argument can lead to a quarrel. But you don’t want to quarrel and spoil relations with this person.
Be smarter and more mature: the interlocutor will be pleased to hear once again that he means something to you, and the impending conflict will immediately disappear.
9. Do not be afraid to ask
Our fear of asking or clarifying is due to the fact that we are afraid to seem stupid.
But you should not be afraid of this. It’s better to clarify an unclear moment an additional time than to make a mistake later and get a reprimand.
In relations with people, one should not be afraid to ask. If an unresolved situation or question gnaws at you, what does a person feel for you - ask a question.
Even if the answer is negative or not what you wanted to hear, at least disturbing questions will leave your head.
8. Understand the purpose of communication.
There are three goals of communication: satisfying needs, business and personal goals of communication.
The first goal is responsible for closing the need for human communication. A striking example is strangers harassing other strangers in public. Most often, the consistency of the dialogue is not even important for such people: they exist perfectly in their monologue, expecting from the “interlocutor” nods and monosyllabic answers.
Business communication prevails in the relationship between colleagues, as well as the leader and subordinates. The purpose of this communication is to make a profit. That is, the interlocutors may not be emotionally connected, but they understand that favorable communication will lead to material profit.
Personal communication - communication between acquaintances, friends, relatives and other close people. For this purpose, the interlocutors discuss pressing problems, favorite films and recent events in life.
7. Try not to think stereotypically
Stereotypical or template thinking is common to many people, although there is nothing good in this thinking.
A stereotype is always a limitation. Imagine how many interesting personalities you did not meet, simply because they fell under your template framework.
With how many wealthy people you did not want to have anything in common, because all the rich are thieves. With how many tattooed people you did not make a strong friendship, because all the tattooed people are former prisoners. Or how many girls you have severely criticized, because short skirts are worn only by girls of easy virtue.
These are all limitations, stereotypes. Do not broadcast shortcuts to people, especially strangers. Open yourself to the world, get rid of stereotypical frames and over time you will be surrounded by beautiful and interesting personalities.
6. Learn to talk about yourself
From childhood we have been told that modesty adorns, and selfishness and the desire to talk about oneself are bad form. So a generation of people is growing up who are afraid once again to turn the conversation vector onto themselves.
Talking about yourself is not bad! It’s bad to devalue other people's problems, saying that your life is harder. It’s bad to interrupt a person in order to once again remind you of your star person. It’s bad to humiliate others in order to exalt yourself.
But talking about your merits, praising yourself, jokingly and sensibly joking about your own shortcomings is not bad. You are a person, you are an interesting person, why not tell you about yourself? People love open people, and if you’re even afraid to remind yourself in an appropriate situation, can you really call you an open interlocutor?
5. Strive to speak clearly
You need to speak clearly, openly and cleanly. Want to know how your interlocutors hear you? Turn on the recorder and tell some story, and then listen to yourself in the recording. Pay attention to whether there are a lot of parasitic words in your speech, do you clearly express the idea in the sentence, speak clearly or slurredly swallow syllables? Speaking correctly and in a structured way is important in communicating with people.
4. Don't be silent about what you think.
If something does not suit you in the behavior of the person with whom you often contact, tell him about it right away.
Imagine that your flatmate doesn’t take the dirty plate off the table after dinner. And it annoys you. You remove it yourself, then again and again. Boil each time more and more when you see the dish is not in the sink. And every time you get annoyed, emotionally boil - it's harmful! And in the end, you freak out and curse with a neighbor.
It’s better to tell a person right away that something is not suitable for you in his behavior. An adequate interlocutor will apologize for the inconvenience and cease to do what you do not like. You save your nerve cells and pleasant communication with a person.
3. Know your sore spots
To identify your sore spots, you need to immerse yourself in memories and introspection. Most often, “sores” come from childhood: you had little parental love or were greatly shocked by the insulting words of a classmate.
Such sore spots can not be felt for a long time, but they themselves do not heal and begin to bring discomfort, it is worth the interlocutor to walk unconsciously through them.
Psychotherapists are involved in identifying and treating sore spots, but if you yourself understand your pains, it will be enough, if appropriate, to ask the person you are talking about not to touch on a topic that concerns you.
2. Listen to your feelings
Never ignore the feelings that come from within you. We are so used to thinking about others, taking care of their comfort, that we often ignore our own cries for help. If something annoys you in a situation, or causes painful emotional sensations inside - listen to the body.
Most often, all the answers to our questions lie within us and remind us of anxiety, but we ignore them, plunging into introspection and asking friends for advice. Although it’s time to remember that an adviser is better than your feelings, you will not find.
1. Do not avoid an emerging conflict
Conflicts can be ignored for a long time. To pretend that everything is in order, although inside every time you feel anxiety, you just need to remember the unresolved conflict. All the problems that we put aside in the box to solve them later, do not disappear anywhere.
They annoyingly itch, disturb, make you twitch, sleep worse and think only about them. Do not bring yourself to such a state, it is better to resolve the conflict with the person immediately. After all, a conflict is not always screams and hysteria, it is not necessary to avoid its resolution if you are afraid of just that. The conflict can be resolved by calm diplomacy.
First, constructively with the interlocutor, highlight the moments that offended you, hurt you and led to the conflict. And then share your emotions and feelings.
And remember the main thing correctly: in the process of resolving the conflict, talk only about the conflict! Do not recall old quarrels, unresolved disputes and previously unresolved moments that surfaced during the dialogue. Solve all conflicts in order, otherwise it’s just that no calm diplomacy will succeed.